The start of September means several things:
A luxurious three-day Labor Day weekend
followed by the crushing reality of pencils and books that signify "back to school" season for anyone ages 4 through 18, or affiliated with teaching or parenting. Six a.m. call time aside, the worst part was not being able to actually wear any of the new school clothes gleefully purchased with the childish hope of starting out the new year because of the still-too-warm weather and, on top of that inconvenience, there would always be humidity on overdrive resulting in a horrible hair day. Life was so hard.
The MTV Video Music Awards, which I decided to finally stop watching last year and ended up missing the Kanye West/Taylor Swift debacle. Don't be foolish enough to make that mistake in 2010!
The onset of autumn and the inevitable depression that comes with the conclusion of summer (which may be somewhat alleviated by the colorful fall foliage and Halloween costume planning in October).
The best month of the year for magazines: the super-long September issues. I've already read all of them (even a couple Canadian publications) so let me save you $25-plus and tell you what I've learned. What's "in" for fall includes the color camel, military-inspired items (especially jackets and boots) and leopard print accessories (some worn with the fatigue-green military-style items). Leggings still will not die. I am proud to say that I have not worn leggings since my days as a Fredonia Elementary School student and I will keep it that way. Avoid visually assaulting your peers and follow suit.
The return of new TV - fresh episodes of your favorite shows at long last, as well as ill-advised pilots and maybe, if we're lucky, a couple of really good new series to add to your weekly schedule. Unfortunately, September also means the onset of football season, which bores me to tears unless beer and snacks are involved. This year, however, I may actually have to pay attention because I'm participating in the weekly "Pigskin Pickers" contest. Yes, I will be writing something that appears in the Sports section! Janice Gee coerced me.
That's my superficial guide to September. Let's talk about what's really important, like New Jersey housewives and laughable horror movies.
The second part of the "Real Housewives of New Jersey" finale will be on Monday, Sept. 6, at 10 p.m., with shrill, shrieking voices, pillow-throwing, faux lesbianism for the sake of fame, and chanting with Danielle Staub's energist. Did anyone else watch the first part of the reunion on Monday? It was insane. "Real" housewife Teresa Giudice continued to deny that her home was in foreclosure and yesterday I saw her new cover of In Touch magazine with the headline "How We Blew $11M." She claims that her husband, Joe, never told her they were having financial problems so she just kept on shopping until a lawyer informed them they needed to file for bankruptcy this was apparently a big surprise to her. Is anyone actually buying this? Now, according to TMZ, she's demanding her salary be doubled or she's out. Give her the hook.
Those who cannot get enough of the "Real Housewives" will be delighted to know that a new crop of overspending, over-Botoxed, mutton-dressed-as-lamb will be joining the Bravo family. "The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills" premieres in October.
Returning shows: "Sons of Anarchy" returns for season three on FX Tuesday, Sept. 7 at 10 p.m. "America's Next Top Model" starts season 15 (I have no words) on The CW Wednesday, Sept. 8, at 8 p.m.
New shows: "Mel B.: It's a Scary World" on the Style network Sunday, Sept. 5 at 9 p.m.; "Thintervention with Jackie Warner" on Bravo Tuesday, Sept. 7 at 10 p.m.; "Hellcats" on The CW Wednesday, Sept. 8 at 9 p.m.
Star of the Month on Turner Classic Movies is Vivien Leigh. Her movies will air on Tuesdays in September, starting Sept. 7 with a documentary at 8 p.m. about the troubled actress's life, "Vivien Leigh: Scarlett and Beyond," followed by some of her earlier films made in the late 1930s. I recently read an article on the Daily Mail's website containing information from a new biography entitled "You, Scarlett O'Hara: The Private Lives of Vivien Leigh and Laurence Olivier" by Roy Moseley (to be released in December), which reveals her affinity for picking up male prostitutes to make Lord Olivier jealous. In the immortal words of Scarlett O'Hara, "Great balls of fire!"
"The Last Exorcism"
The recipe for "The Last Exorcism" is as follows: combine "The Blair Witch Project," "Paranormal Activity," "The Exorcism of Emily Rose" and "Rosemary's Baby," three farm animals, one fame-hungry pastor in a linen suit, one creepy ginger teenager and a pint of blood. Shake vigorously. I'll warn you, it isn't good.
If you're planning on seeing "The Last Exorcism" with the hope that it will render you unable to sleep for several weeks, expect to be sorely disappointed. At first, I thought I had wandered into the wrong movie. It opens with a lengthy autobiographical spiel about a narcissistic pastor called Cotton Marcus, not even mentioning the word "exorcism" for approximately 10 minutes. Cotton performs exorcisms to put a little extra cash in his pocket and actually thinks they're a lot of nonsense. His mission: to make a movie proving that exorcisms are bogus. "The Last Exorcism" fulfills this prophecy. It's high time we put the exorcism genre to rest until someone can figure out a way to top, or even match, the magnificently petrifying projectile puke-fest that was "The Exorcist." This "last" effort doesn't even come close.
"The Last Exorcism" is now playing at the Dunkirk Movieplex.
It's Labor Day weekend! Two opportunities to see fireworks: the Bemus Bay Pops finale in Bemus Point and the Cassadaga Valley Labor Day Weekend Festival, both on Saturday night.
Walleye Willie's will have live music by Last Call Thursday, Porcelain Bus Drivers on Friday and DJ Felony on Saturday.
The Clarion Hotel's Dockside Cafe and Bar will have live music by Counterfeit on Friday and The Boomers on Saturday, both at 8:30 p.m.
Fredonia native and SUNY Fredonia student Paul Jackino, DJ, musician and electronic music producer, will be having a debut album release party at Wishberry in Fredonia on Friday at 8 p.m. His new release is entitled "Dynamic Perceptions," and is available at Wishberry, Cool Little Music Shop in Fredonia and Townhouse Records in Jamestown, as well as for download online. I liked Jackino's description of the release party, which included: friends, complimentary refreshments, meet and greets, album signings, live music, socialization, people watching and "chillaxation."
Music on the Pier tonight features The Coldplayers at 6:30 p.m. The series is almost over!
April Diodato is the OBSERVER Lifestyles editor. Give her the dish on what's ha