Last week was a serious column. One man called me and said he never misses my column, but this one was the best I've ever written. Another told me I was a philosopher. The women said nothing. Maybe they already knew all that stuff.
Anyway, today I'm going to make you laugh. Be sure you have your water ready, because laughter is like medicine. Here goes.
A sign in a doctor's office: "God heals. The doctor takes the money."
Adam and Eve had a good marriage because they had no in-laws.
What's the difference between in-laws and outlaws? Outlaws are wanted.
When you have a raft of kids that are driving you crazy, what can you do? Put them in the water and give them a paddle.
A kindergartner said that Groundhog Day is the day Jesus comes out of his cave and if he doesn't see his shadow, he goes back in.
You can't beat a good wife. Unfortunately, you can't beat a bad one either.
Did you hear about the women who prayed for a dishwasher and her daughter moved back home?
She was so busy giving people a piece of her mind that now there's nothing left.
One week everything goes wrong. Trying to cheer me up, one of my friends said, "Just look at Job." "Yeah," I said, "but I don't want to give him competition!"
She lumps all spiritual things together and then can't swallow it. Just remember: a Christian is not brainwashed but blood washed.
There are too many wise guys and not enough wise men.
Bitterness is like taking poison and hoping the other guy will die.
Television programs cover us with filth and then they try to sell us soap! (I like that one!)
If you can't brighten a person's life, would it be too much trouble to bless a person's day?
Live your life well so that in the end, the Lord will say, "Well done" and not half-baked.
He never would fly because the Bible said, "Low, I will be with you always."
When you blow your own horn, all the notes fall flat.
He is an artist painting for the colorblind.
She's a singer singing for the deaf.
Whenever you say someone is so stubborn, it's because you're pushing just as hard in the opposite direction!
Have you ever made a trip and missed the journey?
If I don't die laughing, I'm not dead. Don't bury me. Get a second opinion.
The music of life is playing, but you're too tired to dance. (I like that one. Sad but true).
I have a nephew who is a biology professor. One day he said to his wife, "I'm thinking about being cremated and having my ashes put in the sand at Van Buren Point. Then people can say, 'Jeff got in my hair when he was alive. Now that he's dead, he's getting between my toes!'" (We all have a sense of humor in our family).
Now I know tomorrow is Father's Day. I haven't forgotten you. As one of my big gripes, I feel fathers are overlooked. Their place in the household is played down or maybe I should say, "is not fully played up." We know how important the mother role is, but children adore a good father. I would think all fathers would want to claim their children by marrying the mother of their children.
My husband loved being a father. Roddy said, "You'd think this was the first kid ever born!" Well, it was for Russ. He taught by example. He was not in the habit of swearing. He used good grammar. He was kind in his judgments of people. He was respectful. The best way to teach is by example. Fathers have a wonderful opportunity to be a big influence on their children. Little girls adore their fathers, and little boys admire their fathers. He is the role model for his daughter's future husband, and the manly role model and father for his son's future family.
If you had a good father, you have your role all set. But if you had a bad role model, just think of the opportunity you have for starting new traditions! Repeat the good; eliminate the bad! It's the best Father's Day present you can give yourself. I admire you. Make yourself the father you want to be. Make this a special Father's Day! New beginnings are priceless!
Also, I'm not forgetting about Helen Ostyre's 100th birthday on the 17th. Helen, you are remarkable. I am so impressed by you. Keep enjoying life!
Margaret Valone is a Fredonia resident. Send comments on this column to firstname.lastname@example.org