Less than a year after his son’s death, John Halligan spearheaded the Vermont Bullying Prevention law in honor of Ryan, who attended middle school in Essex Junction, Vermont. In 2006, he then led the passing of a law which requires education about suicide prevention in public schools. Over the past 10 years, Halligan has made it his life’s work to spread the need for awareness and prevention of bullying, cyberbullying and teen suicide in the U.S., Canada and South America.

In fact, Halligan may be a familiar face, as he has appeared on several national television programs including Oprah, Primetime with Diane Sawyer and PBS Frontline and has shared his son’s story with students in more than 2,000 schools.

Since September, Brocton school social workers Amber Nickerson and Lauri Neratko have been working to bring Halligan to their district, as they believe his message is both timeless and timely, for bullying, though not a new problem, has taken on a new form with the ubiquitous smart phone.

Strike up a conversation with any adolescent or view the latest teen movie or TV show to see how quickly a bad hair day or questionable outfit can be photographed and posted across multiple social media platforms in a matter of seconds. In this new iteration of bullying, the viciousness does not end with the final bell; rather, it can continue online all weekend long, leaving social workers like Neratko and Nickerson picking up the pieces on Monday. “We used to not get involved in anything that happened outside of school,” Neratko explained. “But that’s just not possible anymore.”

Submitted Photo At the age of 13, Ryan Halligan took his own life after years of bullying by his peers at his Vermont middle school and online.

Although middle school does not begin until sixth grade at Brocton Central School, both social workers thought it was best for fifth grade students to be a part of the conversation, as bullying is beginning in younger grades. Interestingly, fifth grade was also when Ryan was first targeted by bullies.

“There was a sweetness, a kindness, a gentleness about my son,” Halligan began, as he shared the story of his son’s early years through a photo slideshow. Halligan noted that there was also “an awkwardness about him,” and Ryan still had not uttered a word by the time he was two. Ryan was diagnosed with a speech and language delay, as well as a gross motor skills development delay. With the support of occupational therapy and the school’s special education department, Ryan caught up to his peers by fourth grade, which came as a relief to Halligan, who feared he would be the target of bullying.

By fifth grade, however, one of Ryan’s classmates noticed his lack of athleticism and academic struggles. “He wasn’t coming home with a bruised arm or black eye or anything like that,” Halligan remembered. “It was just words.” Halligan and his wife got Ryan into therapy and also shared what he referred to as the “typical parent advice”: ignore the bully and he will most likely get bored and move on.

The advice seemed to work from fifth grade into sixth grade, but the bullying started again when Ryan entered seventh grade. Fearing embarrassment, Ryan begged his parents not to intervene with school officials or the bully’s parents, and instead asked his dad to teach him self-defense skills. Rigorous training and a successful “Karate Kid” moment quelled the bullying, and Ryan even reported that he and the bully were now friends.

The family proceeded with cautious optimism about the situation as seventh grade wound down. During the summer before eighth grade Halligan said, “My son was on the computer all the time. It was almost an addiction for my son.”

While Ryan did not live to see the dawn of the Facebook or smart phone era, he was very familiar with ‘texting’ in one of its earliest forms: AOL Instant Messenger, where he spent most of that summer. The Halligans held their children to strict rules regarding their computer usage, including limits to personal information shared, no chatting with strangers and no secret passwords, in the event that someday those accounts would need to be accessed.

After their son’s suicide, he and his wife searched their house and Ryan’s locker for any clue, any answer as to why he made such a choice. “Ask the experts,” Halligan said. “Turns out, it’s a lie. Most of the time, there’s no note.”

Two days after Ryan’s funeral, Halligan logged onto Ryan’s AOL instant messenger account, much to the alarm of Ryan’s friends. Halligan explained who he was and asked if anyone had any answers. One student told Halligan that there were many things that went on at school that Ryan’s parents were not aware of, including the fact that Ryan’s bully had spread a rumor that Ryan was gay. Another student told Halligan how to access folders on Ryan’s computer that would have all of his AOL conversations saved inside.

There, Halligan found a conversation with a female classmate that seemed to express a mutual affection. An Essex County detective informed Halligan that Ryan had said to that student on the day he took his life, “It’s girls like you who make me want to kill myself.”

It was evident to Halligan that Ryan, in an attempt to silence the rumor, was hoping to start a relationship in eighth grade by chatting online with one of the prettiest, most popular girls in his class. When Ryan approached her in person at school, she told him — in front of her friends — she had just been joking around, that she didn’t want anything to do with Ryan because he was “just a loser.”

“She and her friends thought it would be funny for her to pretend to like him to get him to share a bunch of personal stuff, which she then copy and pasted and shared with all her friends to get a laugh at my son’s expense,” Halligan recalled. “I can’t imagine the pain and humiliation my son must have felt as he stood there and those girls laughed at him.”

The Halligans soon learned that the student had stopped attending school after Ryan’s death, as many students blamed her for his suicide, and she was now at risk for suicide, herself. In an astonishing act of forgiveness, the Halligans met with the student at her home and told her that they did not blame her for Ryan’s death.

“I believe in the end, my son died of an illness, an illness called depression — an illness that for Ryan’s sake tragically went undetected and untreated,” Halligan explained. “An illness that I believe came about from a bunch of these bullying events that started way back in the fifth grade, and it was like a snowball rolling down a hill that just got bigger and bigger and bigger until it became a boulder at the end. There was no way we could blame all this on one person or one event.”

Halligan later met with the infamous bully, but under very different circumstances. Ryan’s friends informed Halligan that the bully was continuing to spread rumors about Ryan, even after his death, calling him weak and pathetic. Halligan confronted the student at his home, in front of his parents, where he finally admitted to his actions and agreed to stop. The student held to his promise, but Halligan has not seen or heard from him since, though he and his wife have stayed in touch with the female student over the years.

Following Ryan’s story, Halligan shared the best piece of advice he ever received. “You can always turn an ink blot into a butterfly,” Halligan’s art teacher once told his class, upon learning of the suicide of a former student. Although Halligan never got the opportunity to share this message with his son, he has made it his life’s work to share it with others. Following a brief break, Halligan shared four key take-away points — the butterfly, so to speak — of Ryan’s story:

¯ “When you bully someone, you’re bullying the entire family,” Halligan stated. He went on to explain that his daughter was the one who found Ryan, and that everyone continues to bear the scars of his loss.

¯ Next, Halligan said, “If there’s anybody out there who feels the way Ryan felt, or if you had a friend who feels this way, I beg you to ask for help…You’re not alone.”

¯ Halligan explained that he was not upset with Ryan’s friends for not doing more; rather, “I have an issue with the friends of the girl and the boy…they were one of two things. They were either bullies of my son or they were bystanders. In my book, they’re guilty either way.”

¯ According to Halligan, the friends of bullies have the most power, as bullies are usually fueled by audience reaction. “You’re in the best position to get your friend to stop because you have the most power, the most influence and the least to risk socially,” Halligan pointed out. “I’m a realist. I’m not asking you to snitch. I wouldn’t even want you to embarrass your friend publicly. Just pull them aside and talk to them, or use your technology to let them know.”

Halligan concluded by saying that he is often asked why he spends his time sharing Ryan’s story with others. Although he never planned for one speaking event to turn into what is now his life’s work, he hopes to make a difference, one person at a time. “I don’t believe I’m going to touch every heart and mind in this room. That’s not humanly possible,” Halligan acknowledged. “But if there’s just one person who takes Ryan’s story to heart, then this time for me will have been well spent.”

Later that evening, Halligan hosted a presentation for parents to share Ryan’s story. However, his parent presentation differed from the student presentation in that Halligan focused on current issues with social media, depression and suicide, and parents’ responsibility to monitor their children’s technology usage. For more information about Halligan and Ryan’s story, including parent resources, visit www.ryanpatrickhalligan.org.