I turned 72 in September, and thanks to AI, my expiration date just got a significant upgrade. The Death Clock app, powered by data from over 1,200 life expectancy studies, has generously extended my shelf life.

According to this must-have digital oracle, I’m set to kick the bucket at the ripe old age of 89 on June 24, 2041. That’s a whopping eight-year boost from my previous expected checkout age of 81 years.

While most would celebrate this extension, it’s causing me some unexpected headaches and inconveniences:

1. The Expiration Calendar Conundrum — My bedroom dresser hosts an “expiration” calendar, carefully tracking the countdown to what I fondly call my ARTD (Attaining Room Temperature Date). Every morning, I X-out another day, watching my remaining days calculation tick away until age 81.

Now, thanks to Death Clock’s prediction, I face the task of recalculating the math for my calendar. Who knew an 8 year life extension would come with burdensome paperwork.

2. The Unexpected Car Conundrum — I recently invested in what I thought would be my final new car. Given my practice of keeping most of my cars for over nine years, I was looking forward to never again enduring the unpleasantries of new car shopping. But with this eight-year life extension, I will likely be subjected to one more round of car buying misery.

This life extension feels less like a gift and more like an inconvenient plot twist. It’s as if the Grim Reaper checked his calendar and said, “Oops, my bad. Let’s reschedule”.

But perhaps there’s a silver lining. With eight extra years I could master a new language, grow eight more vegetable gardens and see both of my grandkids graduate from college.

And who knows…by the time I reach my new expiration date, Death Clock might grant me another extension. After all, in the game of life, it seems I’ve just unlocked a bonus round. (Suggestion to readers: Do keep your eyes on the OBSERVER Obituaries for the next 17 years to check the accuracy of my Death Clock prediction.)

DISCLAIMER FROM THE WRITER: This article was refined by Artificial Intelligence. I submitted a draft of my article and asked A.I. for an assist which it provided in a matter of seconds. I took the revision and I revised it a bit more. The end result is, I am sad to say, considerably better than the original draft.

Rod Pennica is a Fredonia resident.