With Holy Week approaching, we turn to forgiveness.

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Think about it. Does this ring true to you?

Most, if not all, of what is bad and false and wrong in this world has its roots in one or more of the seven deadly sins: Pride, greed, wrath, envy, lust, gluttony, and sloth.

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So what to do when the bad, the false, and the wrong come our way?

One option that doesn’t exclude some others is forgiveness.

However, met with the possibility of forgiving others, many understandably believe forgiveness equates with–or at least is tantamount to–absolution or reconciliation.

But that’s not what forgiveness means. Forgiveness isn’t about absolution or reconciliation. Besides, absolution in the ultimate sense is above our pay grade.

Rather, forgiveness means that we move on.

For some, the path to moving on can be just letting go.

For some, the path to moving on can be undoing maldeeds one can undo.

For some, the path to moving can be sharing the truth in the hope that others can avoid enduring similar maldeeds.

For some, the path to moving can be something else.

It’s understandably different for different people, and for different maldeeds.

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Please consider an unfortunately common example involving marriage.

When a man and a woman, on their wedding day, stand before God and promise to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, for as long as they both shall live, according to God’s holy ordinance, and promise to be faithful to one another, it’s not only the Husband and the Wife who take on a holy duty.

Others are duty bound to support, and not to interfere in, the marriage. Although such interference, whatever form it takes, is a breach of this duty, forgiveness can come to those who interfere.

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On the topic of forgiveness in general, meet J.D. Walt.

Walt is a writer, a pastor at Gillett Methodist Church in Gillett, Ark., and the president and sower-in-chief at Seedbed in Franklin, Tenn. He also works at Asbury Theological Seminary in Wilmore, Ky.

In his Wake-Up Call of Feb. 26, 2025, Walt writes: “Forgiveness can be so challenging for so many of us. We have endured wrongs and injustices, which in so many cases seem unforgivable. Let me pose three observations.

“1. In many, if not most cases, the offenses people commit against us are not about us. They are about them. They come from their brokenness, immaturity, or infirmity. Broken people break people and they tend not to discriminate about who(m).

“2. In a similar way, extending forgiveness to them is not about them, but us. Forgiveness is an act of grace, which by definition means it is undeserved favor.

“3. Because forgiveness comes from God, it makes sense, especially in the difficult cases, to pray with Jesus. Rather than trying to forgive them directly, we can pray, ‘Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing.'”

That prayer comes, of course, from the first Good Friday.

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The first part of Point 1 is particularly right: In Walt’s words, “the offenses people commit against us are not about us. They are about them. They come from their brokenness, immaturity, or infirmity.”

Walt’s next sentence is also particularly right: “Broken people break people and they tend not to discriminate about who(m).”

On the other hand, maldeeds can be efforts to break particular people, even if the efforts fail. Maldeeds are even more–shall we say–unfortunate when maldoers “discriminate about who(m)” they target. That is, when they deliberately select their targets.

In any event, maldeeds aren’t our fault. Maldoers don’t get to blame us for their maldeeds.

In assessing maldeeds, motive–the reasons for maldeeds–is irrelevant when nothing justifies them. Nevertheless, please re-read the third paragraph of today’s column.

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For maldoers’ targets, especially for maldoers’ deliberate targets, moving on is hard.

It is also essential, regardless of whether the path to moving on is just letting go, undoing maldeeds one can undo, sharing the truth in the hope that others can avoid enduring similar maldeeds, or something else.

Targets not moving on will be less happy and won’t live as long.

And please consider this: Maldoers, especially narcissi, may revel at the harm they cause.

Think of it this way: Don’t give them that one. Their maldeeds are their fault, not ours.

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Marriage is the topic of Randy Elf’s forthcoming book that his Wife, Hilary Elf, who died four years ago today, supported during her earthly life and of which she endorsed early drafts.

(c) 2025 BY RANDY ELF